Dear Ava,
Tonight is a rare night in that you are asleep for the night and I still have enough energy to be up for a couple hours of precious (and very rare) alone time.
There are so many things I want to accomplish during these hours, but I often end up sitting in a chair with my feet up enjoying the quietness of the house and thinking about whatever is on my mind.
Tonight the topic on my mind is Psalm 46:10.
"Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." (NIV)
or
"Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." (NASB)
Back in December during one my my prayer times, God pointed me to that verse and indicated that He wants me to focus on living out that verse during this season of life.
The verse flows perfectly out of what I felt God kept saying to me during the last year.
Trust Him.
There were so many things I was worried and anxious about, but that word kept coming back to me as I prayed. Trust. Turn all of my worries and concerns over to Him.
As I gave my worries and concerns over to Him I saw things fall into place. I was able to easily give up command without any issues. I found a new place to live with plenty of support (with Grandma and Grandpa F). You were born without any issues and Joe/Daddy was able to be there for your birth. You were baptized.
In the midst of all of the changes, I kept striving to hold onto my career, to find ways to do more, to keep up with my peers.
I thought I had it all planned out for what I was going to accomplish during this next year. Sure, there were some bumps, but I was certain that I could overcome those. The ILE course, the job in DC, projects here at home I wanted to focus on, things here I wanted to do.
But life wasn't going as I had planned. You weren't interested in a bottle. The milk I had frozen developed a metallic smell/taste very quickly and you refused to drink it. Your separation anxiety kicked in at an extremly early age and hasn't seemed to improve. I was having trouble focusing enough to even accomplish easy ILE course work. I was stressed and worried about how I would accomplish the tasks and goals I had laid out for the next year.
Then, God spoke and told me to Be Still. Cease Striving.
Give up my pursuit of my career for the moment. Give up trying to keep up with my West Point peers.
Instead, focus on Him. Focus on Knowing Him. Focus on Exalting Him.
And with that, focus on who He has called me to be: A wife and a mother.
Giving up the pursuit of my career was not easy and took a lot of trust in God. Over 12 years of my life have been centered around the military. I had just been promoted ahead of my peers this past summer. I had some people telling me that giving it all up, even if only for a short while, was a big mistake.
I had to trust that if God wants me to continue my career at some later point, He will make a way for it to happen. I had to trust Him with what felt like giving up part of my identity. I had to trust that He knew what He was doing.
And He does.
In trusting Him and being still, ceasing to strive, I gained the freedom to focus on you and your needs; to spend a lot more time visiting Daddy in Korea this spring; and most importantly, the ability to move to Korea this spring/summer.
Had I continued to strive towards my own goals, I would not currently feel the same freedom to move due to work obligations.
Our moving is still up in the air, but we have one less major hurdle to think about because of what God told me to focus on during this season of life: Be Still. Know that He is God. Know that He is/was/and will be exalted.
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Love!
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